Psssst, Hey buddy.
Yeah, come over here a sec.
Wadda ya want?
I gotta stash of Tide here I can let you have for half price.
Tide..as in laundry detergent? You’re kiddin’ right?
No I ain’t. Look, you in or not?
Sure, I’ll take a couple gallons, I guess.
Did you hear on the news this past week that there was a Tide theft epidemic sweeping the country? The original story apparently came from M.L. Nestel writing for an on-line news organization called The Daily. According to Nestel, Tide has become a form of currency on the street, where it’s known as “liquid gold.” People trade it for drugs.
Apparently, thieves brazenly go into supermarkets, load up shopping carts full of Tide, and then dash out the front door, into waiting getaway cars. Nestle citied one specific example from a St. Paul WalMart showing Patrick Castanzo barreling out of the store with a cart full of Tide. He later confessed to stealing 25 thousand dollars worth of Tide and other products from Wallyworld and elsewhere.
Other reports say the Tide story is being blown way out of proportion and most retailers haven’t really noticed any dramatic increases in detergent disappearances.
I guess it really doesn’t matter to me one way or another. All I know is that when I do the grocery shopping..which is one of my agreed-upon domestic duties, there is always plenty of Tide on the shelves at HyVee. Linda doesn’t insist on many things but she does like her Tide and has made it clear that I do NOT go bargain hunting when it comes to laundry soap. (She feels the same way about Charmin toilet paper but I digress.) My biggest problem is trying to remember what type of Tide she prefers; Tide with or without bleach, with or without fabric softener, scented or unscented.
If memory serves, my mom also liked Tide best but she also couldn’t resist some of the special premiums offered by competitors. In fact, she amassed a cupboard full of wheat-pattern plates, cups, saucers and drinking glasses offered free with the purchase of Duz.
They’re still around the house here in a box labeled “Mom’s Stuff.” (Update: Linda reminds me that our daughter, Suzan, has these dishes and still puts them to regular use.)
I’m pretty sure Duz duzent exist anymore. In fact, a lot of familiar laundry soaps that were popular in my youth have gone down the drain..at least the powdered variety. Any of these ring a bell?
Oh, yeah, anybody remember SALVO which were jelly jar-lid size tablets that you threw in with your dirty undies. I don’t know what the advantage they were..wait, let me check You Tube. Here you go, those pellets, according to pitchman Wally Cox, were “Fortified.”
Last February, Procter and Gamble came out with a similar method of distributing detergent into your laundry; But unlike Salvo, Tide PODS use dissolvable bags instead of tablets and proclaim to not only clean your clothes but remove stains and brighten them too.
Unfortunately, if drug dealers are using Tide for currency, these plastic pods just might be a more convenient way to go.
Actually, I think I’ll pick up a jar of them next time Linda sends me to the store and needs Tide. It sure would take the guesswork out of deciding which variety to pick.
Well, maybe not. I see they come in either Ocean Mist or Spring Meadow.